Sunday Currently.

We meet again with the Sunday Currently.

Currently...

Reading... Nothing? I'm trying so hard to make time to read and it's not working. I have multiple books out on my library app and haven't made time to read any of them.

Watching... 60 Days In and our cat attempting to crawl into the middle the bed under all the covers.

Eating... not a damn thing right now, but we're having flank steak tonight and I can't freaking wait.

Loving... the air fryer we bought last night. We went grocery shopping this morning and bought mozzarella sticks to try using it for the first time and they came out PERFECT!! I want to fry everything now!

Obsessing over... #BerksRocks on Facebook and Instagram. It's like Geocaching but with rocks/stones in our county. There are rocks/stones all over the place that are painted with designs and quotes. I love it!

Longing for... a vacation, to get out of this state. It's been almost 4 years since my last vacation and the last time I was at the beach, I so desperately want to go back.

Hoping... for this snow to melt ASAP which shouldn't be hard. It literally snowed 4-5" last night and now Tuesday & Wednesday it's supposed to be high 60's - can't wait to be sick, again!

Wishing... I could just sit down and write all the words that come to me in a way that makes sense. Blog posts, books... I'm full of them.

Excited... about this week! Something I don't really say often. We just hired a new girl who started last Wednesday and tomorrow she starts classroom training for the week. I'm now in charge of the training for our department and this week will be my first time classroom training. At the end of her training I'm being given a significant "trainer" raise and I can't freakin' wait!


Check out Lauren for the original Sunday Currently!

Negative.

I walked in on the positive side and somehow in 2 minutes was put in the negative. I gambled today and lost, I knew it was coming but I was hoping I could atleast get $1.80 to go through. It didn't.

It wasn't that announcement that my card was declined, it wasn't that awkward sideways shuffle away from the register, and it wasn't that head shaking walk back to the car. It was the slightly disappointed voice I was met with when I said it didn't go through. I couldn't get him a drink before working his 7th night in a row, he has no day/night off in sight until he quits his part time/old job.

He started a new job last week and gets paid weekly now. This job will do wonders for us, in 3 months he'll be making almost double weekly. We'll never have to worry and knew that this was going to be our last week to struggle. It's been a trying week. We've gambled nightly and won with the exception of tonight. There's no reason I should be upset when come morning, we'll have 3 pay checks in hand - something we've never been blessed with before. But that disappointment killed me and I needed to get this out.

I've been meaning to vent all week. Every night I've gotten into bed telling myself I need to get back here but I haven't. I somehow wish I could just transfer my thoughts without having to type them. I always have so much running through my mind and can never find the time or energy to get those thoughts out.

In other news... My holiday anxiety this year is nonexistent thanks to the fact that we're both working. I'm still not looking forward to Christmas day, but that's a yearly feeling that hasn't changed in 9 years. My regular anxiety has been manageable for the most part. I feel it at work some weeks worse than others, but once I take a couple minutes to breathe and regroup I'm fine.



Most nights I dread my alarm going off in the morning. But tomorrow? Tomorrow morning cannot come soon enough.



x

Sunday Currently...

On Sundays on my old blog, I used to participate in a link-up called The Sunday Currently. You talked about what you were currently doing/watching/eating/reading/etc. It was easily one of my most favorite entries to write, weekly.  Today, I thought I would do my own version.

Currently...

Reading... Stories I'd Tell in Bars by Jen Lancaster. Never heard of her? Start from the beginning with Bitter is the New Black. She's hysterical. She's easily one of my top five favorite authors. She writes memoirs and is 100% easy to relate to.

Watching... at this very moment? Season 3 episode 3 of The Walking Dead. AMC has a marathon on right now I love the old characters who have since died. As for weekly, I've gotten into The Bold Type, Project Runway just restarted, and The Challange.

Eating... not a damn thing right now, but we're having flank steak tonight and I can't freaking wait.

Loving... this weather. It's in the low 70s today and I am so over summer. I cannot wait for fall to be here. Also, loving that October will be here sooner rather than later. I LOVE October and Halloween.

Obsessing over... The Bold Type. Have you seen it? It makes my fashion loving heart so so happy right now. It also makes me hope for a future job in the city.

Longing for... a vacation, to get out of this state. It's been 3 years since my last vacation and the last time I was at the beach, I so desperately want to go back. Also, a different job - something back in the management field.

Hoping... for an easier week than last week. Last week, at work, was wild. I just want this week to be as normal as possible.

Wishing... I could just sit down and write all the words that come to me in a way that makes sense. Someday...


Hopefully I'll be back to this space sooner rather than later.

Endings.

My anxiety has been out of control lately and my emotions have been on a non-stop roller coaster ride.

Today has made everything much worse.

Pretty Little Liars ended, for good, tonight. As I type out those words 1.5hrs after the finale has ended, tears are still streaming down my face.

I have been a wreck all day, keeping it together at work and losing it when I've been on my own. I uncontrollably sobbed as the 6 liars were in their last scene on screen.

I struggle so much in life with endings. I don't cope well at all knowing that the end is the end.  I've never been good at those type of goodbyes. I always hoped I'd grow out of it and still, at 30 I haven't.

I feel like lately, I've mentally been a mess. I don't know what's triggered it because other than money being a stressor, nothing has changed and everything is great.

I'm trying real hard to get back to the slightly younger (old) me. Basic things I stopped doing for/to myself, I'm trying to now do again. No joke, something as simple as putting on earrings is something I stopped doing. I believe my second hole closed after not having earrings in for almost a year  or I just can't get through the back of it. Yesterday I put on zebra earrings from Charming Charlie and felt a little like myself. Who knew earrings could do that?!

My plan is to slowly bring back things into my life. I have a ridiculous amount of Puravida bracelets somewhere in my room that are next.

I feel like I lost myself somewhere along the way and desperately want myself back. It's a work in progress, just like coping with endings (which might not ever get resolved).


X

Staind.

Whenever I think of blogging again, I always think of that Staind song.

"It's been awhile..."

It has been.

After 3.5 months of my unemployment "vacation" I FINALLY got a job at the end of February. My training ended Friday and I can honestly say I am so so thankful to be back to work. Towards the end, I was going to interviews where I was being asked if I was even job searching and getting interviews. It took everything in me to not walk out.

I'm back to working 9a-5p with a 10a-7p once a week every two weeks. I work 1 Saturday every 2 or 3 weeks. It's business casual with it being way more casual, like there is a girl covered in tattoos with the most beautiful turquoise hair. It makes me want to dye my hair blue. My department is 10 people big with the surrounding being the biggest.

And I'm happy. Monday's and Friday's are insane but the slow days make up for them.

When I'm not working, my life is still as boring as ever.